Sunday, May 15, 2011

I rant !!

My rant :: Against most feminists who blindly advocate female power and representation in every aspect of life .
We are as it is an intolerant generation. Why complicate life more by blindly being aggressive? It is a good thing to educate women about their rights, and encourage them to fight injustice. But, when this encouragement crosses over to demanding rights without analysing the discomfort it causes to other women and society in general, it takes on the shape of intolerance.
Every relationship has its share of unhappiness. Overcoming it TOGETHER is a huge acheivement. Tomorrow, the feminists could advise me saying as I have a right to my house, my space, my partner's singing early in the morning (causing me disturbance and irritation throughout the day) could be a suitable reason for divorce.

A bigger rant : Against all those happily married women who protest against women having to compromise in relationships.
- there is an ancient mantra - "It takes two to clap". Similarly, it takes two to fight, and two to adjust.
Woman compromises, man follows her example in compromising. Man compromises, woman follows his lead. So why all this noise about women having to compromise first ? If the woman starts to compromise, and the man also compromises, and together they lead a steady, peaceful life, isn't life worth compromising ?
(Note : It is altogether a different story if the man/woman doesn't compromise at all and expects his/her partner to do all the compromising)
Half those women who seem to have a grudge against women compromising are themselves married. No relationship works without a bit of compromise. Obviously, they would have done their share of compromising, forgiving etc. Then why protest ?

Yet another rant :: The latest set of protests against arranged marriages. It is stupid to generalise relationships or people. What works for some doesnot work for others. In our society, arranged marriages generally work. My friend had a very very traditional arranged Telugu wedding. She and her husband saw each other on the day of marriage. And must say, their marriage is rock solid, both make compromises, and both are insanely in love with each other.
And they have been married for 7 years now :) Who said arranged marriages should not be entertained ???!!!


I guess the leg sprain, combined with the need to finish off my work has robbed me of language and speech.


Something that was on my mind but didn't mention earlier :: A lot of people believe when you are unhappy in a marriage, you get out. Doesn't commitment have any meaning anymore ? If a relationship makes you unhappy, you should get out of it. So, if your parents make you unhappy, do you disown them ? If your friends upset you, do they stop being your friends ?


Rakesh said...

I can see tht the leg sprain hasnt affected ur ranting capabilities :D :D

I agree with u here. The only thing i hate abt feminism is whn ppl force their opinions n views on others.And i always felt blogging was abt our expressing our own thoughts on a public platform and i hate it when ppl bully us coz we dont think like them or disagree with their opinions.

Anyway Get well soon and put up a happy post next time.And oh btw am i first?

HARI Nandakumar said...

Good Post.Agreed with you but in your previous post All this talk about feminism !!! I spotted a sentence I believe in equality, but am not a feminist, and would never like to be called one either !.You will be never called as Feminist
And my opinion about the type of relation ship called marriage It's an adventure, like going to war.

S said...

This is you, robbed of language and speech?! Ohhhh-kay?! :D

Will comment on the post later...right now enjoying the pleasures of being spoiled rotten!

Ah! The privilege of being a woman!!!!

Get well soon.

Anonymous said...

loved the way you have presented your thoughts .

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

Rakesh :
Maybe the sprain has enhanced my rants :D :D :D
An alien thinks like me ?? Wow !! I hope the alien in question has super brains :D :D
Yup yup .. thou art ze first .. your comments on my last post diappeared

Hari :
What was the 'but' for ? i mean you said "Agreed with you BUT in your previous post "All this talk about feminism !!!" What was the but for ? Adventure , it is !!

S :
:D :D :D :D :D
aha ! spoilt rotten how ? who ? where ? when ?
Am glad you are having a gala time !

Anony :
thanks !!
hey, were u the 'Anony' commenter on my last post ??

Anonymous said...

@Deepa yes

S said...

Feminism, like most ideologies came into existence to combat a prevalent system of oppression, in this case towards women. However in modern times it seems to have taken on a form which strives to rob women of the very qualities that make women, women.

Like you, I believe empowerment of women through education is not only important but imperative if society is to progress. At the end of the day; it is the hand that rocks the cradle that rules the world.

However, it annoys me no end when certain privileges of being a woman are taken away....all in the name of liberation! For example, being at the receiving end of that long forgotten male attribute called chivalry...opening the door or giving up one’s seat for a lady and all those minute but oh so delectable gestures! I do so enjoy them! Does it make me any less liberated? If it does, I’d rather stay non-liberated, thank you very much!

It appears to me that rather than being feminists or masculinists ( yeah that is a word!!), if we could just concentrate on being humane and live our lives with dignity and self-respect, we needn’t worry about fighting for our rights as men or women. They’d be part of the privilege of being human!

Sorry for such a long comment! :D

S said...

Spoiled rotten...
How?: Sit back and do sweet nothing! Chores can wait!
Who? : Me treating myself!
Where? : Very much at home!
When? : Yesterday, today and for the rest of the holidays!

Not quite what you were thinking, is it?

Anonymous said...

"If your parents make you unhappy, dis own them". Nice question Deepa.

The ideal behind marriage, at least what my intuition tells, based on the spiritual experiences and the enlightened ones that I encountered,is to develop unconditional love between each other. Please note that this love should be beyond the bodily and mind level business that we usually encounter. When this unconditional love is developed, there is no difference between the life partners and this means adjustments come naturally. Aaaaah. Even if one life partner(male or female) develops this unconditional love towards the other, this is more than enough for that relation to eventually turn for the better. But this is not an easy one. You have to have patience, you have to work hard etc.

By the way, what I found is that, current generation(I am part of this current generation too, make no mistake), thinks that only if the tastes match and if they feel the love(physically or mentally related only and not the one that I said above) among partners, then, only the marriage can be successful and they will be happy. BUT THIS IS WRONG. Mind can change at any time. I can guarantee. If Mind changes and asks for something else. What then? Then, what happens is that, life becomes miserable with the same person with whom a while back, we built a huge dreams. Instead, If they can perceive that there should be unconditional love that should be developed among the life partners, then , I can GUARANTEE that the life will be very good.

Infact, the reason behind having arranged marriage, is that, it throws a challenge at us by showing us someone whom we have never saw so far in the life, and asking us to develop the unconditional love. Infact, if we can develop this love with a stranger(until marriage), then, we are ready to develop this Unconditional love towards GOD(the all pervading one).

Those who cannot develop unconditional love towards oneself or someone who is next to them, can never become closer to the GOD, which is the ultimate aim and reason for the life.

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

anony :)

S : Way top go girl ! I loved this It appears to me that rather than being feminists or masculinists ( yeah that is a word!!), if we could just concentrate on being humane and live our lives with dignity and self-respect, we needn’t worry about fighting for our rights as men or women. :: Isnt that what us being born as human beings means ?? First it was the fight between castes, then religions, then animal - human, then human - human .. and now between sexes !!

You know, i take chivalry for granted. None of my guy friends are non-chivalrous. A non-chivalrous guy is usually never my friend... and i expect my guy friends to treat me with all the benefits that come with being female. Why is it that the father and mother are essential for a kid's devt .. because they are inherently different, and have different roles to play .. likewise with men and women !

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

S :
Not quite what i thought when you said you were being spoilt rotten .. Thought the peacock man had something to do with it ... but what do i know ??!!

Why apologise ??? The comment space is after all your canvas to air your opinions !!

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

Anony :
Spot on ! You hit it when you said :: Mind can change at any time. I can guarantee. If Mind changes and asks for something else. What then? : Any relationship involves a degree of commitment , and effort to make it work (except prob the relationship with parents). I personally feel, it is impossible to get into a marriage/relationship a 2nd time (1st time being marriage) coz a part of you is taken away, maybe the soul ?

Why do we say mothers are the epitome of God ? Because they love unconditionally. Love or arranged marriages, unconditional love is what makes a difference !

Living in Cancer said...

I too am always amazed at how easy people give up on their relationships. Once you commit to a person it should take a lot more than a disagreement to separate you. Thanks for stopping by btw!

kanagu said...

For sure there are many unpleasant things happening in the name of marriage but as you have said we should work hard to make it a success...

One thing I can't understand is why this talk about Feminism.. if a man/woman lives like human.. they don't need any other identities.. everything comes under human.. I guess..

wonderful post Deepa...

Sorcerer said...

Quoting Rakesh
"I can see tht the leg sprain hasnt affected ur ranting capabilities :"

Absolutely..thats soo amazing..isnt it?

Feminism..Serve Chilled with potato chips ofcourse.

pratibha said...

Honestly, I did not get the point of your arguement. My understanding of feminism says that it is a voice against inequality and injustice,not only against women.Feminists are not the home breaker incorp. you are dramatising them to be. All feminists I know think of marriage to be an equal partnership and hence if both the partners are equally involved, are understanding and making adjustments and so it the extended family then I do not think any feminist would raise a voice and say 'Hey, you getting a raw deal so better wake up and do something about it!!'
I think your points are made simply for the sake of saying something against feminism, mostly incoherent.

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...


You are reading my thoughts as well as my post wrong.
First of all regarding incoherence, it might be incoherent to you, but not to me, and not to a lot of others.

If feminism is a fight for equality and justice, why is it called 'feminism'. And if this were indeed the case, then good. But sadly, it no longer is a fight for equality and justice. It seems to be more of a label, and for brandishing the finer nuances of humanity such as tolerance and adjustments.

I do not need to write a post just to say something ill about feminism. Feminism in today's version is bullshit ... and I am not sympathetic to what is brandished as feminism. Further, it is my space, and I have a right to talk about how I feel.

All feminists talk about is how men and women are equal and blah. But they aren't equal in the true sense. They have different roles and responsibilities and different temperaments which are not considered when the feminists make a din about marriage and homes.