Tuesday, December 20, 2005

F.r.i.e.n.D.s and L.o.v.E


Was in quite bad spirits yesterday ...

The reason being the hurt i witnessed to a friend.

There is this girl of 22 yrs .... A guy of 25 yrs proposed to her , and with the blessings of their families, they got engaged. Now, the guy wants to break the relation ....
She called me atleast 50 times and poured her heart out ... The guy has been my friend for a long long time ... much longer than her , but somehow , my sympathies are all with her ...
More than anything , i feel disgusted with myself for believing him when he said she is problematic ... The girl was on the brink.
And the worst part is , she was a girl who minded her own business .. and the only reason she agreed to this relation was because his parents supported it ....



I miss my best friend like anything now .... My best friend who is not here with me .... with whom i could discuss anything ......

I have hurt myself over my school friend - We were a group of 3 close girl friends ..... we shared almost all our thoughts .... i was the confidant in the group, ' R* ' the friendly and approachable one ... and ' P* ' the crazy one ....

R* is married and has a 1 yr old kid ... P* has a 3 month old kid .... R* and I are still close .. but P* and I have drifted apart ... drifted apart by one careless remark she made after her marriage and which tore me .... I had gone to her house before her marriage , and suddenly realised that the friend i valued most was now a stranger to me ... she had become hard , cold and worse - uncaring ....

What i said above is an understatement ......

And i am so hurt that i couldn't bear to call her when she had her baby ....

And my pride has now taken over ....

But now what is bothering me is the girl i mentioned first ..... I just want to call her and make sure she is fine , but dont want her to break down again .....

I had once told Keshi that I would talk about my hurt one day ..... still cant express it fully . Today , i needed to write about it coz I suddenly feel i have no one to talk to .... My best friend , whom i miss like crazy , is away ...... and I can't confide easily in others ....

Realised that it is not just in real life that you are parted from your friends ...... With Arz000n and Invincible - my very first friends here - retiring , something seems to be missing here ... Miss you both .........

67 comments:

Keshi said...

Deeeeeeeeeeepzz hugggggggggz!

Heyyyy that's not such a nice thing for that guy to do...it's hard when friends r involved...u cant help but take sides...but u r a wise girl...I think u have done a very fair analysis of the situation and trusted the girl more than ur friend...I applaud u for being so unbiased...


Abt ur school friend P, well rem she made the mistake...so it's hight time she come back to u and apologise...and even if she does it's so hard to forget..I know...cos it's loved-ones thats the hardest to forgive and forget...has she come back to u and said Sorry?


Keshi.

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Keshi :
No Keshi ... she hasn't ans she wont ....
She has become very cold and awful ( i hate using the term ) now ...

Unfortunately , i cant talk about all these people here .. it would do me a lotta good to get it outta my heart ...

Shikha said...

Its hard when people who mean everything to you just walk away,when they dont care to glance back...after reading your post i think what you need right now is a biiig hug from good friends:)

Keshi said...

**She has become very cold and awful

Deepz ppl become that after they get hurt...did she get hurt too? I mean if u wanna talk abt it u can email me...kajole@hotmail.com


As Shikha said heres a big HUGGGGGGGGGGG to ya Deepz!

Keshi.

Arz000n said...

Awwww.....
You are making me more diffcult now..

I said Im gonna come back from 25th onwards...and moreover Im in touch with you 24X7...so chill pill :)))

Hugzz and cheer up lady!!

Virus© said...

Yeah it seems kinda 'pehle pata fir hata savan ki ghata'. Very bad... She should've guessed in the very begining

the Monk said...

Hey, this is part of life, I guess...you'll make new friends, have better times...atleast you have memories that you can treasure...

Sujit said...

Its hard to bear when freinds whom we trust a cold are no more there!.. And that too when things go pretty wrong, and whn we require them the most.. is when it hurts badly. But, that also gives you a chance to mold yourself well, to be much strong!!..(as a postive note). But.. still the phase has to be passed.... and you know.. there is always this crazy hope that things will go well and we can make it!!..

And about your freind.. better you can call and cheer her up!.. is not then atleast just hear to what ever she says..!! This song from anurodh!.. agar tum besahara hoto kisi aur ka sahara bano!!.. cheer up!! :)

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Shikha :
Thanx Shikha ... thanx so very much :))

2 Keshi :
Thanx Keshi girl ..... Thanx !!!
well , she was forced to get married ... but dont know if that hurt her ...
I sent u a test mail .. got that ???

2 z000nie :
Sorry z000nie .....
and thanx for coming back :)

2 ViŘűS© :
Hey ....
Nopes , there was no way she could have guessed in the beginning coz the entire family ( The guy's ) is very very decent.


2 the monk :
Hi there !!!
No yaar , i try to avoid memories ... they just make you more sad ... so, i avoid having too many photographs and all ...

2 Sujit :
Thanx ... :))))
But i dont wanna call her coz i want her to get over her hurt ...
Thank you so much for ur words
:))

vaibhav said...

Deepa,

These things happen in life. All one can do is move on. I know it's pretty easy to say such things but quite difficult to face reality. But face reality, you must!

>|' ; '| said...

i wud say - let go n move on. but wht do i know, i hav had lesser experience on this planet thn u hav had...
sad though.

rebel_on_loose said...

Hey Deepa,life has it's ups and downs, and plz u shud take solace in the fact that u got soo many frnds here!
Time Heals.
Cheer up now!

>|' ; '| said...

strange na..ppl calling it quits everywhere in blogworld. wonder why. must be some kind of influence at work here. hell. i deleted my blog. then remade a few posts to save the url..

burf said...

i can understand... life's hard sometimes...

PuNeEt said...

I dun knw u much...
bt life is not at its best always...
its a roller coaster...

and yes it feels terribly bad wen ur friend walks away from ur life

speak to ur friend...
she needs you... even if she cries atleast she has a shoulder to lean on... many times we dont even get that...

and u have ur blog pals...

all the best
God Bless U

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Vaibhav :
Thatz true , but the worst thing is i am feeling bad for a 3rd person's problems ...

2 Poison :
Dont ya say anything ... u know the people involved here .. so ...

2 rebel_on_loose :
Thanx Rebel ... Thanx a lot ...
i'll be fine very soon ...
Thank you

Planck said...

It always happens. Friends change, drift away. You can do nothing except take it as it comes. There's so little in our control.

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Poison :
Yeah .. i know ... something like a mania ...
i remember u were in the same line of thought sometime back ..
GRR !!
I didnt get the deleting and saving bit ... what was that ???

2 Burf :
It is, isnt it ? or , are we making it hard ???

2 Puneet :
Yeah .... u r right ..
But , i want her to have sometime for herself ...
And yes , i am lucky to have all of you around ...
Thanx a lot :))

2 Illiterate Sneha :
Hi !!
Welcome here ...
You are right ...
But at times , it hurts ...
Thanx for stopping by :)

Sujit said...

most welcome.... so how are you now.. butter???

:: The Protector :: said...

thats pity!

i had experinced the same way u'd...we're classmates, roommates more than that friends to for long 7yrs... i donno what hpnd to him, started showing his face after that till date no communication with him....here i know what the problem is!

thats life!

give her a cooling period then give your shoulders to her that makes her....


Cheers!
:)

kickassso said...

friends drift apart, some are never meant to return, with some you mend fences again.... It is their call, all we can do is try!
but then again, what do us guys know about how girls settle things:D

Sudeep said...

Hmmm.. it is very sad indeed to be betrayed in a relationship n even sadder when u get to know tht the ppl involved r close to u.

Since u havent poured ur heart out here n neither given the full story, i would kindly advise u to see the other side of the story.. i mean wht situation ur frnd might be going thro which made her cold (as u put it). True frnds r to be cherished for lifetime... dont just lose them like this.

Friends r like scattered dry leaves.. u can have many at any given time. But, true frnds r like diamonds... u want to have many but cant afford to have lotz of them.

I think it is gud tht we have very few true frnds so tht we understand their value.. hope u reconcile with ur frnd soon n find even more diamonds in ur life

Abhishek said...

chill...things will be fine soon.its just a passing phase

tulipspeaks said...

thats an unbiased judgement of yours..although i wonder how you going to help that girl..i know how it feels..i was in the same position a year ago..and definitely not a pleasant experience..and it did not worked out between my 2 friends :(


again, i also have a best friend of 10 years whom parted her ways from me after a misunderstanding. i don't know where she is now..but i always think of her and i got the diamond pendant she gave as a memory...

hugsss

=am000nie=

niki yokota said...

aww~ well.. she could at least find this guy was not right one, before marriage. god saved her!
i can only say take it easy deepa-chan.. :-)
abt friendship...let them come and let them go! this is my philosopheee

Jigal.. said...

hey

my little baby...

don b sad...

i know how difficult to b such normal when some close SCHOOL fri behave such....

I love my SCHOOL fris lot Dats y i mentioned them in my 1st post...

But In that list of school fri 1 name was missing which none of us want to take because he leaft us... or u can say we leaft him...

i m wid u my little babe its very painful...

hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

bye

take care.

Jackal said...

Deepa i hope u feeling better now...
its indeed sad wht happened to ur frnd.....i will never understand how ppl get into relationships n then pull out....if they are not sure then y the hell they say yes in the first place......how ppl break some ones heart n give those rubbish excuses...y dont they realize tht some one wud get hurt real bad......its all so disgusting.....

Jackal said...

ur other frnd a bit weird....normally those school friendship bonds are so strong......i dont know may be u shud at least call her up n ask wht's wrong..may be at the moment she ws having some off her own troubles n too engrossed to give u the attention u expected frm her......
..dont consider ur self alone...u can count on us.....tcccc n all the best..hugzzz

>|' ; '| said...

i deleted my blog 2 days back. 54 posts down the drain. then suddenly i felt a need to reclaim that url and the blog u see there is a new blog...technically.

>|' ; '| said...

and :))
ur fans are callin u 'their lil baby!!!!!!'

AnonymousBlogger said...

Life's full of peaks and valleys. Keep in mind that while you're in a valley now, there is a peak coming in the future. Things will get better. They always do. Hang in there.

Quz Boss said...

It's also hard 4 me 2 explain my loss w/ my 1st luv not 2 long ago... Jus let it out cuz it'll be relief. It's hard but do it da bes u can ;-) PEACE

Keshi said...

I got ur test mail Deepzz...thanks that was sweeeet :)

Hope u r feeling much better now...

yeah u r right...mebbe she's cold and angry not just becos of wut happened between u 2 but also cos of her marriage that was forced upon her...ppl somehow try to find someone close to vent out their frsutrations upon...it's human nature...

Try and call her some day when u feel like it...give her a another chance. The fact that u r still hurting so much is cos u value her friendship too...so why not rekindle the good times...we live only a short life, so make the best out of it - hugggggz!

Friends have hurt me alot..and some have done beautiful things to have my friendship back...thats cos they value me as a person. Others havent done anything even after they hurt me...and so be it then...

tc girl!
Keshi.

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Sujit :
Am fine now ....
Thank you so much :))

2 Vishnu :
Hi ...
Know i know there are so many people who face the same thing ....
Thanx for ur words of comfort :)

2 Kickassso :
Torn relations can be mended , but they always leave a krack , no ?
Anyway , itz high time u and Ashok started learning the ropes ;))

2 Sudeep :
Hi dear ...
I have lots n lots of acquaintances , but very few close friends ... lot of people call me and stuff , but, i call very few people.
so, when i lose one of my close friends , it hurts a lot.
Thanx for ur words .... Thanx a lot

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Abhishek :
Hi !
Welcome ... :)))
Thank you ... i am quite okay now :)
Thanx ...

2 Am000nie :
Hi !
I think i can best help her by not calling her too often .. she seems to be getting over the shock now, according to her mom ...
We can never understand the full force of another person's shock ... right ??
I have 3 glass bangles given to me by my friend - a red , green and black for good luck ...
but , i dont feel like seeing it again ...

2 niki yokota :
Hi dear :))
Yes ... she was lucky that she gotta know the guy's character before they got married ... Even my mom said the same thing .....
Urs is a nice philosphy , but it hurts initially .... now, i am learning not to get too attached ...
^~^

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Jigal :
I am in touch w/ just 2 of my school friends , of which one is gone :((
Thanx for ur words .. i am fine now :))

2 Jackal :
Well , i think the main reason why people pull out of relationships is because they dont feel as committed as they'd if they were married ...
And aby my other friend , well , i dont wanna call her anymore ... it has now become like an ego issue :(( i know itz bad , but ego is an imp thing too ... na ??

2 Poison :
Oh !!! but yes , ur blog still looks the same ...
@ Fans : No comment :))

burf said...

we do make it hard, but it is really out of human limitation to take it easy. i mean i can always say that i won't expect this expect that out of life but it would really take superhuman effort to not expect and that is nearly impossible

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Anonymous Blogger :
Yeah ... lifez just like a sine wave ... huh ??
Thanx for ur words ...
Ciao ...

2 Quz Boss :
Awwww ... i am sorry abt ur break up w/ ur 1st love ...
still , have faith
Thanx for ur words

2 Keshi :
Hi dear ...
replied to ur mail ..
At times , relationships seems to be so weird, na ?
Anyways , i am happy to have a friend like u
Smiles
Deepa

burf said...

and regarding ur frnd, i dont know the background, but u have to give her a benefit of doubt [regarding she was such good friend] even if u arent asking her... but there might really be some other side to the situation [hopefully not sad]...

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Burf :
True .. if u dont expect , u aren't human ...
But we also need to learn , na ? attachments always kinda hurt u ...
we hurt our parents , and that hurts us ..
we hurt our friends , they hurt us .. and so on ..
:((

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Burf :
Abt my friend ...
no itz just plain selfishness ... she has a great life and all now , but takes lotta pleasure in hurting people ... and not just me , she tries to stab other people with her words as well ...

talldarkman said...

There seems to be a "Q" between teh "P" and "R". :)

I dunno you deepa, but jumped on to your post from Keshi's. I hv seen ppl changing after marriage. They must be having their own problems and priorities, in the new life b4 them. So it's best to leave matters as they are, and say an occasional hi and hello when you bump into each other.

talldarkman

PS: sorry for the unasked for advice. :P

PuNeEt said...

howz u doing dear...

praveen said...

ooh boy...u're all torn arent you...i understand dear..if gone thru ups and downs earlier..i even had a close fren backstabbing me...was down for a long time...finally i found 2 great frens...and found solace in them ever since..i wrote a post about it,remember..people change over the time,thats one thing that i've realise thru my experience..

i too sympathise on ur fren,deepa..i would never want a similar situation occuring to me or my frens..

a big hug to you gurl...at least you know that they are virtual ppl who care about you

silverine said...

Hi Deepa,

Having lost three friends to marriage soon after college I was suddenly in your shoes while reading this post. Of course we keep in touch now and meet often, but friends do tend to drift apart after marriage..to come back when the first flush of marriage is over :) Hope the same happens with you.

* a beary huge hug*

Michelle said...

hey...sorry to hear bout yr frnd...sumtimes it does happen like ppl u were really close to,juz change...and wen its not for the good,it really hurts...

hang in thr :-)

Quz Boss said...

No, my poems dun come from my 1st luv. Sum... But mainly it's the word of da mouf ;-) PEACE

Sangeetha said...

it's all a part and parcel of life dear girl...and it's imp to learn to endure the betrayal of friends...maybe they'll realise their mistake ad come back to you...
there's still a long lifetime for things to fall in place..
dont lose heart and try to stop doing a post-mortem analysis of what's gone.
if it has to come back, it automatically will.

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Talldarkman :
Hi
Welcome
Yes .. u r right ...

I dont think i'll bump into her ... atleast , i'll make sure i don't ...

See you around !!
Deepa

2 Puneet :
I am fine , thanx dear ... and you ??

2 Praveen :
Yeah :))
Thanx for blogger pals !!!
i think itz best to have a detachment .. yeah ... i read abt ur friends .. Diana and Ghana ... right ???

2 Silverine :
Hi !! Long time !!
I dont know if things will still be the same .. i try to pretend to myself that i dont care :) :|
How are u , lady ?

2 Mί¢ђεĻLē :
Hi Mί¢ђεĻLē !!
Welcome ...
Seen you around a lotta times ...
Thanx for the words of support ..
T.C.
Deepa

2 Quz Boss :
Hey !!!
Thatz nice ... i mean ur poems being ur own , and not bcoz of somebody else
C Ya

2 Sangeetha Mugunthan :
Hi !!
Welcome here ...
No , i am not doing a post mortem coz i am still very angry ...
and i don't think i'll take the 1st step to patch up .. atleast not in the near future ...
neway , what is gone is gone ... but it has taught me a few needed lessons :|
Tc
C u around
Deepa

Sudarshan said...

These things keep happening..you really should try and not mind...everything will be alright soon!!Hey me came here first time I guess..great blog u've got here..and yeah merry xmas and happy new year!!

PuNeEt said...

mez fine too dear... :-))
whats ur email id

Cheers

sonu said...

Man! i wouldnt wanna be in ur place,
to choose between ur friends, tats the hardest thing after Between ur gf n ur best friend.
but u should be happy u did the right thing.
As someone said, Shit happens..
Forget the past, take it in ur stride n face the beautiful day tats dawning on u with a smile :)

Jackal said...

did i hear u say ciao somewhere..is it the influnece of tht post . ) tccc ciao

Keshi said...

**At times , relationships seems to be so weird, na ?


yeo they r soo weird...every r'ship is different...and u got to handle it all different...

tc and have a good holiday season Deepz! muahhhhhh!

Keshi.

:: The Protector :: said...

updates!

whats up?

Cheers!
:)

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Sudarshan :

Hey !
Welcome :))

I am fine now ...
Season's wishes to you too :))

2 Puneet :
:)

2 Sonu :
Hey :)) Thanx :))

2 Jackal :
nah !!! i said ciao coz i kinda like to sound of the word
;)))

2 Keshi :
Woo Hoo !!!
u too dear ... have a rocking holiday :)

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Vishnu :
Sure

Anonymous said...

oops .. sad to hear abt wht happ..

Quz Boss said...

Aw thnkz 4 da lil compliment lol :-)) To say, Sometimes I get dat too, jus see who is da lyer. U jus see it somehow. Oh yea, Dat guy was an aggole... And it's good 2 be some1 ppl come 2 when they need help, dat girl wouldve been So depressed if she had noone 2 talk 2. Luckily she has u, good luck 2 her... And u ;-) PEACE

Vivhyd said...

hey deepa.. how r u? actually anon was me

Ajay said...

hey nice post

Merry Christmas mate!!

Jithu said...

hey wishing u a merry christmas and a happy new year!

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 Anon / Vivhyd :
Hi ..
long time .. no see ???

2 Quz Boss :
Hey thanx !!!!
and i meant the compliment :))

2 Ajay :
Thanx !
MErry Christmas to you too

2 Jithu :
Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you too :))

Adarsh A. Varghese said...

Merry X'mas, Deepa!

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

2 adarsh :

thanx ... same to u .. hope u had a good one :)

Mind Curry said...

i drifted away from my best and dearest friend..the closest i have gotten to anyone..it tore me apart..and i am yet to pick up the pieces..but just carry on..it was sad to read your post..anyway..relationships are like that..you love only to hurt..but still, i think its worth the hurt. my life would have never been the same..and will never be the same either.

quills said...

Its better to have loved and lost than never love at all. I feel that if you have loved someone very deeply and sincerely, even if circumstances force them to drift apart, deep inside they will still care and love each other throughout eternity. Call me a hopeless romantic but that is the power of love. If its real true love, you got to admit, it never leaves you whether you wish it or not.