Tuesday, August 07, 2012

The woes of a married woman


I left my life 3 years ago - a happy life, a life where I had a successful, flourishing career, where I had umpteen friends, where I had both my financial and mental independence, a life where I lived with my parents   and was satisfied in helping them - to move across the seas for the man I loved and thought loved me, to embark on what I believed would be a wonderful life. 

I over estimated men. I left my parents' home sure that I'd no longer be scolded for my mistakes, instead I now receive insults. I left my parents' home thinking I'd now have a house to rule, but now I feel like I'm a burden than the ruler of a house. I left my parents' house thinking I'd have the same freedom as before, but now I feel I'm mentally and emotionally held captive.  I left my parents' house thinking I'd meet them and be there for them as much as possible, but now I realise my going to visit my parents itself comes with time bounds.

When I look at photos of a satisfied and happy girl, I cannot help but drown in self pity. I know that no one can come forth to help me, and I cannot help myself. 

The community I live in regards my partner as the most loving, kindest and the most generous of all they have seen. But, I am terrified by the fights that can ensue if I have an opinion contrary to his. I am expected to work as living on one person's salary is difficult. But what if I  want to make a life, do something creative ? I had been in the so called private sector for 5 years, and dont want to go back. When I want to do something, I am always discouraged. My not working in a 9-to-5 job gives folks the right to snub me. My thinking differently gives people a reason to look down on me. My belief in God and wanting to stick by traditions brings disapproval. My wanting to spend more time in my own country brings irritation and fights. 

I now realise I was meant to just be an add-on to my partner's life. I often hear him say he'll never change in life, however, he expects me to change my principles as well as myself. My opinion is never sought in major decisions. My capabilities are hugely underestimated, so much so I have started to doubt myself. 

Dear post, I wish you'd somehow reach out to my partner and show him that marriage is not about one person sacrificing everything in their life to just be an addition to someone else's life. Marriage is not about curbing another and wanting one's life to be the same. And marriage is not threatening your spouse with a divorce because you cannot compromise and want to find a new partner.